But I was also brave on purpose

As 2018 slipped away, I too loudly told a mutual friend “I would marry Sean tomorrow” (not realizing Sean himself was listening to the conversation above the party din).

Late last night, sitting around a friend's kitchen table, the conversation turned to relationships.

“When did you know Sean was the one?” Ari asked. While I'm skeptical about the idea of the one in general, I said it might have been New Year's Eve nearly six years ago.

As 2018 slipped away, I too loudly told a mutual friend “I would marry Sean tomorrow” (not realizing Sean himself was listening to the conversation above the party din). We'd been dating for just four months, and the whole thing—me calling off my abusive engagement the previous spring, us only being 21, our collective teetering between college and beyond—was a lot.

It is of course a good thing we didn't get married the following day. I am lucky I threw my bedraggled heart at someone who not only encouraged but insisted upon my independence first, a partner who did not let me lose myself—the self I was just beginning to truly find, to intentionally create—in him.

But I meant what I said six years ago, at least in spirit. And…