I’ll be happy if we never make more dog reactivity progress
For years, the majority of our dog Instagram posts (and later, many articles on this blog) centered on Scout’s fear-based dog reactivity. I remember:
Getting home from every outing and detailing exactly how many dogs we saw. From what distance? How did she handle each one?
Processing every overreaction she did have. At length.
Sharing multiple IG story slides each day about reactivity alone.
While I still post big wins and hard moments, our cattle dog’s fear is no longer my main focus. There was a gradual shift as our life got bigger and my thoughts got broader. I moved our goalposts, adjusted to a new normal, and prioritized different things.
Here’s a deep dive into why I’ll be happy even if we never make another ounce of dog reactivity progress.
Where is Scout today?
On average:
Scout still doesn’t want to interact with other dogs. She’s never shown interest in playing and only rarely shows interest in sniffing.
She gets nervous if another canine approaches us directly (and needs us to advocate for her space).
We can easily pass dogs while out on adventures and settle near them at patios. Sometimes she needs us to help manage the situation, but most of the time she dismisses them on her own.
She’s not thrilled about having a foster dog in her home, but it isn’t hard to make sure everyone feels comfortable.
Scout’s general discomfort around canines is absolutely still part of our lives. She isn’t all of a sudden some super social creature who wants to greet every other dog she sees (and I’ll never expect her to be).
What she is, though? More stable, resilient, and easy to read than ever before.
Even so…
It’s easy to:
Compare ourselves to others, especially on social media
Dog reactivity can be isolating and overwhelming—but there’s also a huge community for it (just take a look at “reactive dog” hashtags on social media). To be honest, sometimes being surrounded by so many voices feels even worse than being alone.
While it’s reassuring to know that Scout and I aren’t the only ones who have struggled, discovering the reactive dog world meant I had hundreds of examples to compare ourselves to. Sometimes I feel like we need to constantly go go go, always be on the grind, knock new goals out of the park every day or month, get Scout playing with other dogs…
But we don’t have to achieve everything someone else has to still be worthy, happy, and successful. This article dives further into why those comparisons can hurt more than they help and how I’ve learned to fight the urge to make them!
Feel like a “fraud” because my dog can’t do (or doesn’t enjoy) X, Y, or Z thing
I didn’t initially set out with plans to grow our Instagram account, start a blog, and eventually make it my full-time job—but I’m thrilled with how things have worked out! Sharing about Scout is an absolute joy.
And sometimes? It’s also scary.
There can be a lot of pressure associated with having thousands of folks follow your daily life on social media. I don’t mean to complain about something I’ve actively chosen. But I do want to acknowledge the emotions can be hard.
Am I a fraud for talking about our reactivity journey even though Scout isn’t completely “cured”? Is it inauthentic to share the importance of advocacy when sometimes I still let my dog own? I particularly wrestled with these questions after getting to be a guest on The Canine Paradigm podcast.
But here’s what really matters:
Comparisons and imposter syndrome aren’t what counts.
Our dog seems properly happy
Scout lives a fabulous life.
Her basic needs are met day in and day out. We provide 24/7 access to fresh water, regular nutritious meals (often in ways that let her scavenge), and bathroom breaks about every four to six hours.
She’s biologically fulfilled. We play, take sniffari walks, learn new training skills, explore a variety of environments, and so on. Not every day is packed full of activities—but on the average she gets plenty of opportunities to express her natural instincts!
We’re socially connected. Scout knows we care about her as a fellow creature.
Our dog is in good physical shape. We provide regular vet care (including working closely with our veterinarian team to monitor her seizures) and exercise to make sure she functions at her best.
Are there things we could do better? Do differently? Things I overthink? Absolutely. Are we always the perfect dog owners? Heck no—sometimes I feel like we really drop the ball!
But all in all, Scout shows us she’s satisfied. She’s more playful and confident than ever before. She shares affection freely. She bounces back from low moments quickly. When I listen to my dog (and not the external voices that can sometimes get in my head) she tells me our current life is more than enough.
My husband and I are happy, too
Just as important as Scout loving her life with us? Us loving our life with her!
And, thankfully, we really do. Sean and I got to include our cattle dog in our wedding. We’re able to take her on adventures. We can relax in public places. She likes our families. We can open our home to other dogs in need. Scout is incredibly snuggly, and eager to engage with us, and makes me laugh every day. She isn’t necessarily the dog I dreamed I’d have as a child—but she is very nearly perfect for who I am as an adult.
We can do everything we need to do, and pretty much everything we want to do, seamlessly as a team. Day-to-day harmony is easy!
We have the necessary skills for upcoming life changes
Living well together isn’t just about here and now—it’s also about what’s sustainable in the long run.
And thinking ahead, Scout is equipped for the future we plan on sharing with her. We’ve spent a lot of time dreaming about van life. Early next year those fantasies will become reality! We’re confident our cattle dog already has most of the skills she’ll need to thrive as a nomad.
(You can read more about how we’re preparing Scout to be on the road full time in this article.)
We’re safe and respectful out in public
Being a responsible dog owner has become one of my core values. There were many things I didn’t realize while growing up with canines… meaning I rarely paid attention to what my childhood dogs did around the neighborhood or out in public.
As I’ve gotten older, though, I’ve built relationships with more people who aren’t comfortable around dogs. I now have a clearer understanding of how Scout’s presence can impact the world around us. If my dog’s remaining uncertainty around other dogs regularly put other folks’ comfort at risk in public places (if she was constantly reacting to other owners who walked by on restaurant patios or creating a ruckus in our neighborhood, for example), we’d absolutely work on it more diligently.
But as things stand? We’re able to be respectful species ambassadors!
Anything more than where we are today feels like a bonus
At this point, any progress beyond what we’ve already accomplished feels like a bonus to me. Not a necessity. Not something to overexert ourselves for. Just a cherry on top of an already amazing life together.
This point of contentment might look different for other people. Maybe our choices even seem lazy, or silly, or don’t make sense to someone standing in a different place. That’s okay—our goals don’t have to be the same!
What matters is that our current lifestyle makes sense for us: the ones living it day in and day out. We’ve worked hard to reach a happy balance of acceptance and striving, and I’m proud to let myself say things are good 💛