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Speaking for Spot's avatar

As a veterinarian, I compliment you on your exceptional description of this canine aging phenomenon. I have empathy for how disconcerting this feels. If our dogs could speak with us about this, I'm not sure they would even know what they want.

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Haley Young's avatar

Thank you, Nancy! And that last sentence really hits me. I think a lot about "if only Scout could communicate with me, verbally and in abstract terms" — but you're right that it seems unlikely even she would know exactly what to tell me.

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Alix's avatar

Loving a senior dog can truly be an agonizing emotional rollercoaster. Going from fine to not, from a concerted effort to cherish the present moment to struggling with anticipatory grief in the next is so hard. It's truly so bittersweet. Seems silly and cliche, but I just keep reminding myself of that quote that it is truly better to have loved and lost than never have loved at all and it does help.

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Haley Young's avatar

Sometimes the silly and cliche things are that way precisely because of how true they are, aren't they?!

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Tif Holmes's avatar

My parents’ 15-year-old dog paces. Since we’ve been staying with them the last couple of months, it’s really been noticeable to me. Not a cattle dog. In fact, just a tiny little thing. Even still, the amount of nervous energy shared by everyone in the room when he does this is tangible. I have yet to have a dog not die young from some type of cancer 😔 so I’ve not yet experienced this phenomenon myself. But Japhy 100% is more at ease in the van than in the house, and this baffled me for the longest time, but the van really has become his safe space. And that makes me happy. But also, being in a house these past couple of months confirms for me that the van is basically just managing environment. Something I will still celebrate.

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Tif Holmes's avatar

Sorry; trying to comment from a phone which is apparently hard for me. 😂

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Jessica B's avatar

Thank you for writing this Haley – your words connected directly to my heart. I experienced so many similar feelings during the last couple years with our aging hound Georgia with her ever changing needs, preferences, and health diagnoses. Especially “I hate how her discomfort triggers my own.”

As I lace up my tennis shoes to take our current young, energetic hound Zoey for her morning walk, your nuanced writing reminds me to enjoy the present/the current season with its delights, emotions, and baggage. 💛

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Haley Young's avatar

This means so much to read this morning, Jessica—thank you! It really does feel like all we can do is try to lean into where we are right now, whatever that looks like on a given day, and find the joy there. Sometimes easier said than done of course.

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E.B. Bartels's avatar

This was so raw and beautiful, Haley. Thanks for writing about Scout. And thanks for reading my book! I'm sorry it feels especially relevant, but I hope it brings you some comfot.

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Haley Young's avatar

Thank you so much, E.B.! We are always trying to strike the balance of thinking about the inevitable in a way that allows us to prepare for it (as best we can, anyway) without dwelling and distracting from the present. I'm grateful your book exists as part of that conversation!

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Misa Giroux's avatar

Thank you so much for sharing this experience - it's exactly where I am with my senior cattle dog. Every day is a challenge to figure out just what she needs, and we have always fed off each other's discomfort. It's helpful to know we're not alone.

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Haley Young's avatar

You are absolutely not alone! I relate so much to the feeding off each other's discomfort—I often say that Scout's sensitivity is simultaneously her greatest and most challenging trait. The connection we share feels so deep and true and wonderful. That depth can also make "off" moments feel so much harder. Love to you and your girl!!

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Largogal's avatar

Reading this made my heart hurt😔 I was blessed to have a cattle dog he lived to 14 years, it would have been criminal to have him live in an apartment, what is wrong with people? Choosing a working dog breed and then not provide work for them, torturous for the dog, I hope you choose more wisely in the future. All the longest lived dogs I’ve witnessed in my life have been fed exclusively raw meat, my dogs eat mostly raw chicken backs and beef with small amounts of organs. They have all lived long healthy lives and have never been to a vet except for neuter/spay and certainly never vaccinations. Seizure medication(poison that is killing her)is now needed because you either poisoned your dog with kibble, vaccinations or topical flea treatments, when really she needs to be detoxed and fed species appropriate food. Why can’t she sit still, because you are not providing what she needs, running along side a bike for a couple of hours or working or a rigorous daily jog/hike. On our farm I’m basically on my feet all day long doing chores and my dog was always with me like Velcro. During summer we swam every day for hours.

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Haley Young's avatar

I'm glad you had that time with your cattle dog! To be honest, reading this comment made my own heart hurt. I almost didn't reply because of how bristly I felt—but I wanted to take the opportunity to clarify a few things.

So, I am always open to questions about Scout's history, our decision-making processes, and our life in general (and I've also written at length about those things here on this blog)! But insinuating that we aren't adequate owners without context is hurtful. If you'd asked for more info or read a bit about our journey thus far, you'd know how much I agonized over the recommendation to put Scout on an anticonvulsant, for example. You'd know about our efforts to fulfill her in every living environment she's been in with us (apartments, a house, a converted campervan)—and that all of those situations are better than a county shelter, which is where we adopted her from! You'd know that her struggle to sit still this morning is not a common occurrence, and that's exactly why I wrote this piece reflecting on my emotions about it.

I really am happy to answer questions and have conversations (and even to disagree about some aspects of pet care, as we all have our own lifestyles and resources and preferences). But this dog has been the axis of my whole world for going on seven years now, and we've worked incredibly hard to do right by her. And she's shown us, through how far she's come with her confidence and adaptability since the early days, that we're doing a good job! No, she doesn't live on a farm and no, I sure wouldn't recommend Australian cattle dogs to plenty of people in apartments. But every situation is different, and we've always prioritized her quality of life.

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Largogal's avatar

You’re right I did comment without knowing your background, I apologize, was just so triggered. Wishing you and your beloved beautiful dog happiness and health 💖

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Haley Young's avatar

I appreciate you taking the time to read and reply so, so much! Wishing the same for you and yours 💛

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Tif Holmes's avatar

This exchange gave me back some sliver of hope for our world. Thank you both.

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