Boy Haley. You always know when to post after I’ve had several frustrating outings with our heeler. Her prey drive is so over the top and she is SO STRONG almost pulling me down (on the ice. So cold here) as she lunges after these creatures with that piercing bark. And you see others walking their calm dogs and you mourn the fact that this will never be. Thinking would she have been better off being adopted by someone with a farm or something? But once home and inside she is a little lamb making me feel so bad about having these disloyal thoughts about her. Knowing that the quiet dogs you see may have other issues more serious than we have. Thank you for your thoughts ❤️
Sharon, thank you so much for taking the time to comment and say so. The prey drive struggle is real! And on the ice... ugh, so many parts of caring for our dogs are tougher during the winter, aren't they? I've gone down the same spiral of thoughts many many times before re if Scout would have been better off with someone else. That's been an emotional journey in itself—acknowledging what is reality, contrasting it with my "perfect world" imagination, and figuring out what I need to just accept (and what I need to work diligently to change). Your girl is very lucky to have you. Caring for another creature—especially in a world so human-centric—is definitely not always a walk in the park.
Ah, I'm so glad to hear it—both the reminder that none of us are alone in these moments being tough for the human end of the leash, emotionally, and that my backlog of chronicling the height of Scout's dog reactivity might again seen the light of day 😂 So so many different thoughts over the years. I do really love having them published and dated to be able to look back on!
I often wish I could wear a shirt or something that tells people whose dogs react to mine that I'm not judging them (as long as the dog is under their control and doesn't make contact, of course). I learned early on from my own dog's reactivity how to read the situation and minimize proximity, eye contact, etc., which I try to do for others, now that my own dog is mostly OK. But I sometimes see handlers looking guilty/sad/frustrated and apologizing and probably feeling a lot of what you describe here. What would you want a stranger to do or say (if anything), to let you know they get it?
I often wish the same!! I usually go with something like “we’ve been there” (if there’s time to stick around without forcing Scout to tolerate an uncomfortable situation). My favorite is when I see someone actively training and get to compliment them on it!
I think for me personally, when these emotions arise again after lying dormant for so long, it’s less about worrying about judgment from others and more about re-dealing with my own internal stuff—expectations about what life with a dog would be, the worry that I’ve still let Scout down, etc.
I guess some of the judgment I'd like to absolve others of is their own. I've seen some people looking genuinely distraught; others say "sorry" like they've said it a thousand times. Maybe there just isn't time or an appropriate way to acknowledge the struggle, grief, etc. "We've been there" is doable, though!
I love and relate to that yearning so much. I think it becomes really complex really quickly—living with a "sensitive" (or whatever adjective fits best for one's personal connotations) dog can feel isolating, and at least for me I know that when I've been inundated with that "not good enough" message from what feels like all sides of society for so long, one great lovely interaction with a stranger just isn't enough to make a dent (even though I'd like it to be!). That whole thing is a huge reason I've been so set on the Paws and Reflect book. There are some wonderful corners of the internet that talk about these things more openly and regularly, but I feel like a lot of mainstream dog content still comes across as very "it's all rainbows and joy!"
I am weary of latent societal pressure to make sure a dog reacts perfectly to every situation. We all have imperfections. You are loving your dog and he is loving you and there's no cure for that!
Boy Haley. You always know when to post after I’ve had several frustrating outings with our heeler. Her prey drive is so over the top and she is SO STRONG almost pulling me down (on the ice. So cold here) as she lunges after these creatures with that piercing bark. And you see others walking their calm dogs and you mourn the fact that this will never be. Thinking would she have been better off being adopted by someone with a farm or something? But once home and inside she is a little lamb making me feel so bad about having these disloyal thoughts about her. Knowing that the quiet dogs you see may have other issues more serious than we have. Thank you for your thoughts ❤️
Sharon, thank you so much for taking the time to comment and say so. The prey drive struggle is real! And on the ice... ugh, so many parts of caring for our dogs are tougher during the winter, aren't they? I've gone down the same spiral of thoughts many many times before re if Scout would have been better off with someone else. That's been an emotional journey in itself—acknowledging what is reality, contrasting it with my "perfect world" imagination, and figuring out what I need to just accept (and what I need to work diligently to change). Your girl is very lucky to have you. Caring for another creature—especially in a world so human-centric—is definitely not always a walk in the park.
You are the best. Thank you for making me feel better❤️
I just wrote in my latest post about Petey embarrassing me! I can’t wait to read all of your recommended posts!
Ah, I'm so glad to hear it—both the reminder that none of us are alone in these moments being tough for the human end of the leash, emotionally, and that my backlog of chronicling the height of Scout's dog reactivity might again seen the light of day 😂 So so many different thoughts over the years. I do really love having them published and dated to be able to look back on!
I often wish I could wear a shirt or something that tells people whose dogs react to mine that I'm not judging them (as long as the dog is under their control and doesn't make contact, of course). I learned early on from my own dog's reactivity how to read the situation and minimize proximity, eye contact, etc., which I try to do for others, now that my own dog is mostly OK. But I sometimes see handlers looking guilty/sad/frustrated and apologizing and probably feeling a lot of what you describe here. What would you want a stranger to do or say (if anything), to let you know they get it?
I often wish the same!! I usually go with something like “we’ve been there” (if there’s time to stick around without forcing Scout to tolerate an uncomfortable situation). My favorite is when I see someone actively training and get to compliment them on it!
I think for me personally, when these emotions arise again after lying dormant for so long, it’s less about worrying about judgment from others and more about re-dealing with my own internal stuff—expectations about what life with a dog would be, the worry that I’ve still let Scout down, etc.
I guess some of the judgment I'd like to absolve others of is their own. I've seen some people looking genuinely distraught; others say "sorry" like they've said it a thousand times. Maybe there just isn't time or an appropriate way to acknowledge the struggle, grief, etc. "We've been there" is doable, though!
I love and relate to that yearning so much. I think it becomes really complex really quickly—living with a "sensitive" (or whatever adjective fits best for one's personal connotations) dog can feel isolating, and at least for me I know that when I've been inundated with that "not good enough" message from what feels like all sides of society for so long, one great lovely interaction with a stranger just isn't enough to make a dent (even though I'd like it to be!). That whole thing is a huge reason I've been so set on the Paws and Reflect book. There are some wonderful corners of the internet that talk about these things more openly and regularly, but I feel like a lot of mainstream dog content still comes across as very "it's all rainbows and joy!"
I am weary of latent societal pressure to make sure a dog reacts perfectly to every situation. We all have imperfections. You are loving your dog and he is loving you and there's no cure for that!